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This morning seemed to be a normal Monday morning as I got up to wake and feed Ezaias.
I brought him to our bed, fed him and then played with him while daddy slept next to us.
After changing him and a little more playtime, I put Ezaias down for a nap and went back to join hubby in bed to catch some more z's.
(On most mornings, I'm dashing out of the house to make it to a 9 o clock gym class and leave the changing duties, etc. to daddy. I am so glad this wasn't a gym morning though.)
It dawned on me that I had 2 more short weeks at home with my baby.
I started to feel, well honestly, sad.
As I lay there, I listened to Ezaias talk and play.
I didn't feel tired anymore.
I wanted to spend some time with him.
I walked over to his room.
He was laying on his tummy - babbling.
When he sensed my presence, he looked up at me with most gorgeous puppy dog look ever.
I would have loved to capture that moment with my camera, but I didn't want to move.
He stared at me for a few seconds.
Then I smiled at him and said "Hey Papa" and he flashed his usual big, bright smile.
I felt my eyes start to water and as I wiped them away, he looked @ me with the most concerned look in his eyes.
It was as if he knew.
I wiped the tears away, smiled at him and he smiled back a smile that made me feel like he was saying "Its Going To Be Ok, Mommy".
He then laid his head down.
*Written as I sat on the arm of the rocking chair in room, as I watched him toss and turn, find his finger (to suck) and then drift off to sleep.*
After he fell asleep, I went back into our room, where hubby was still sleeping.
I cuddled up next to him and he asked me if my nose was stuffy (lol).
I said "No. I'm just sad that I only have 2 more weeks at home with my baby".
He chuckled and still half-asleep said "Just enjoy him."
When he realized that I was still crying, he held me real tight and rubbed my back until I drifted off to sleep.
(Lol, I guess there may be two babies in the house!)
I have enjoyed 16 lovely weeks at home with Ezaias and he will be 18 weeks when I return to work.
This is going to be HARD!
What feelings did you have before you went back to work and after you returned to work? What advice can you give to a mom like me who is already experiencing the back to work blues?
I went back to work when Yorlee was 9 weeks old. Oddly, I didn't feel too sad. But a few things that I regret is the fact that I didn't take half days at first. I highly recommend it!! If you can, schedule your first day back to start at noon. And your second day back schedule yourself to leave at noon. It would help tremendously!!
ReplyDeleteJust know that it does get better each day and week. I know that my little love is well cared for. And I get the adult enteraction that I so desperately need.
It's so hard to go back to work! I had to leave my sweet baby boy to go back a few weeks ago - I was fine all day, and then when I got home and realized I had missed the whole day with him I burst out crying! I'm a baby too. :-) It gets easier though, and it's so fun to come home and have that little smile to greet you!
ReplyDeleteJust came across your blog, and I've been enjoying reading it! :-)
Yes girl it's hard. You are definitely not a baby but a normal, loving and caring mom.
ReplyDeleteMy situation was a little different with Ri because for one I was substituting then so when I called to return to work, I didn't know if she'd actually use me the next day. When I found out she did need me, I did get emotional. I felt like a child entering high school for the first time. Ironically, I was working at a high school. But what helped me was that my dad was watching her, and luckily there was a breakfast for honor students on my first day back at work, and Josh just so happened to be one. So my parents showed up with Riyya and visited my classroom. After that, I visited my dad every day during lunch.
So like Mrs. V said, the half days work. In my case seeing her in between my work schedule.
But like Teria said on FB, if you trust the person watching Ezaias, you should be fine.
The most I can suggest is for you to call during your breaks just to hear his voice and print pictures of him to have around your desk and that may help you make it through the day.
Going back was hard for me but I looked forward to picking her up from daycare everyday. Aside from our morning interaction, the afternoon pick up was everything! Now that she's older(19 months) she runs to me and yells my name and makes me feel every good after 8hrs away from my munchkin
ReplyDeleteWhat you are describing is totally NORMAL! The whole week before I went back to work I walked around feeling sad about leaving my baby and I had been able to stay home for 12-weeks. The night before it was all I could do not to cry as I explained to my hubby why I was so blue. The next morning I I wanted to cry all morning and I almost lost it when I kissed Ariana goodbye, but I held it in until I got in the car. I cried all the way to work and each time a co-worker asked me if it was hard to come back to work it took every fiber of my being not to start crying. I rushed home from work to pick her up and her smile made me feel so much better. Each day it got a little easier.
ReplyDeleteEveryone has given good advice. I will say for me it was different because of my whole process I went through. Being that he was born 2 months early, I have had 2 different going back to work moments. Before I went back last week I did get a lil down knowing I wouldn't get to bond with him. But I felt so realieved once I found his daycare it made me breath a sigh. Its harder because he was a preemie and I worry. But keeping busy at work helped.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah... my sister watches my daughter and she would text me periodic updates, sometimes just words and sometimes pictures. Those reports really helped pick me up when I was missing my baby. Not sure who will be watching Little E so I don't know if you will be able to get similar reports but the advice to take lots of pictures to put in your work area and call to hear his voice is GREAT!
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